Tonight was Chalice Circle night, and lemme tell ya, it was way intense. The subject was “What Love Is.” How do you spend only two hours on that? There’s so many different kinds of love, so many different stories and experiences to remember, so many different ideas of how one should love….
We’re never so vulnerable as when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy. – Walter Anderson
I have difficulty opening up to people about the things that upset me, the things that make me vulnerable, about my weaknesses. I have difficulty admitting I love someone or that I am dependent on them for any reason. I hate asking for help. Being vulnerable is not something I am comfortable with. In fact, I fairly suck at it.
I had the recent opportunity (yes, opportunity) to be more vulnerable than I’ve ever been in my life. I opened up and shared my pain, my most personal goals and my fear. The fact that I essentially got rejected for this level of vulnerability (completely understandably, considering we barely knew each other) is beside the point (although, really, Universe? This is what you do when I’m trying? Tsk.). The point is…it was really fucking freeing.
I was honest. More honest than I’ve ever been in my life. I was honest about the things I was ashamed of. And it felt good.
What’s up with that?
How often do we go about lying and hiding things from the ppl we love? Burying truths from ourselves? How often, in a romantic relationship, are we so nervous about being perfect and desirable that we forget to show who we really are deep down? (I do this one all the time!) How often do we ignore the sadness beneath or the fear that drives our ambitions or the frailty of our self-esteem?
I challenge you…
Completely drop all the illusions, the airs and graces we put on, the masks that we wear, and just be naked. Just be yourself. Admit your weakness. Admit your fear. Admit your self-loathing. Be naked in your own heart, and you’ll see…you’re still you. At heart, you’re still the very same, and it’s no better or worse than you were before, even though you have uttered the forbidden words of your weakness aloud.
And then watch this video.